“I’m sorry to hear that” is not the best response to give someone.
Granted, there are far worse responses, but you can do more than just feel sorry for someone.
Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone in their struggle or pain. It is like standing on the sidelines and feeling sad for the person. Empathy goes deeper. It is understanding what it’s like being in the middle of their issue or struggle. And from there, we are in a better position to help.
You may be questioning why I’m talking about empathy when the theme this week is about communication with others. That’s a good question. And the answer is – it’s all interconnected. Our subconscious primes our conscious thoughts. And that in turn does more than affect our non-verbal cues, it can steer the direction of the conversation.
What unconscious or conscious assumptions are we making if we can’t fully grasp what the person is going through? Parents of children can empathize with each other about the struggles of raising a child because they share that common bond. But someone without children will have a harder time empathizing with the struggles of parents.
What does this mean if a colleague, employee, or friend shares a struggle with you that you have no experience with? How do you empathize? You ask questions, spend the time to better understand the struggles and challenges the person is going through.
Why does this matter? Aren’t we too busy to slow down for this type of thing? Can’t they just “suck it up” because we have a lot of work to do?
Take this example, you have someone on the team whose work over the past week has been delayed and everything they submit each day is full of errors. You could meet with them and tell them you are disappointed with the quality of their work and if it doesn’t improve you will have to write them up. Or, you could meet with them and say you’ve noticed their work this week is not typical for them and ask them what’s wrong. They tell you their child has been very sick, and they have been up all night over the last 4 days taking care of them.
You may not have children, so you ask more questions to better understand what they are going through. Because you took the time for this, you not only understand why their productivity has dropped, but also have an appreciation for what they are struggling with and can offer suggestions to help like redirecting workload and giving them time off.
That’s WAY better than just saying “I’m sorry to hear that.”
When we treat our team members and employees like numbers on a spreadsheet and not human beings, we foster an environment they don’t want to be a part of. Turnover is costly and can be avoided if we treat people with care, understanding, and empathy.